Do you think these are copypasteas.

What are these so called copypasteas?

I was born in Pennsylvania in 1983, around the Philly area. There's a shitload of sketchy people out there, let me tell you that. Like a lot of other philly residents I lived in a rowhouse, kinda shitty but good enough to get by.

My parents weren't particularly wealthy, but they did their best to raise me right and to have enough money to make sure I had a decent upbringing. They both worked two jobs to help pay for clothes and food and whatnot for me, and I went to public school to reduce education costs.

Here's where our story begins. One day when I was 13, I had just gotten out of school for the day and I was supposed to meet my friends at the rec center nearby to play a game of pickup basketball.

This wasn't anything uncommon, we would play a lot of basketball, most of my friends being black individuals.. Anyway, so when we were playing basketball these older kids, I'd estimate probably 2 or 3 years older than us, came on the court and just stood there, watching us play for a while.

I was a bit unnerved, but I figured maybe they were just bored and wanted to watch us play basketball. I didn't really think anything of it, I mean they looked kind of sketchy but to be honest, so does everyone in philly.

We continued our game, not really paying much attention to them, when out of the corner of my eye I saw the group (maybe 4 or 5 of them) started walking over towards us. I figured they wanted to play ball with us, so I turned and walked over to them to invite them to join our game.

I asked the group if they wanted to join us, maybe we could play a shirts vs skins game. One of them, who I surmise was the leader of the group, turned to his friends and laughed. I was a bit nervous, since they were older kids, but I kept my mouth shut and waited for an answer. The group leader grabbed the basketball out of my hands and passed it to a friend, who crossed the court with amazing speed and dunked the ball. Since we were all young and short at the time, we were all in awe of the older kid who just schooled us with his basketball skills.

We cheered and asked for the ball so that we could attempt to dunk as well, but he ignored us and passed the ball to another one of the older kids. They started playing their own game of basketball, completely ignoring us. This would be fine, I guess, if it wasn't our ball that they were using. I stopped their game and told them that we should be allowed to play since it was our ball. They ignored me and kept playing.

Not one to give up, I tapped one of them on the shoulder and told him to give us our ball back or else we would just take it and leave. He didn't respond either, and so when one of them went to take a shot, I slapped the ball out of his hands and grabbed it away from them.

This pissed off one of the older boys, so he walked up to me and asked me in an angry tone to give them their ball back. I told them that it was my ball and if they wouldn't let us play then we were just going to leave.

One of the older boys shoved me, telling me that if I wouldn't give him the ball back, he would beat me and my friends up. I figured that he was just talking big for his friends and that he was actually a chickenshit and wouldn't do anything. I told him no and I started to turn and walk away.



What happened next was sort of a blur. I got shoved hard from behind, and I fell to my hands and knees on the pavement. The boy grabbed me by my shirt and picked me up and punched me in the stomach. He was much older and bigger than me, so my feeble little punches didn't do much to stop him. My friends jumped in to try and pull him off of me, but his other friends pulled them off and started punching them as well.

We outnumbered them, but we were scrawny little 13 year olds who had never been in a fight before. We all took quite a beating, but we managed to fuck up a couple of the kids pretty bad by swarming on them. They left after sufficiently injuring us, maybe because we managed to hurt a couple of their own, but they told us they would fucking kill us if they ever saw us again, took our ball and left.

We were pretty badly beaten and bruised, me being the worst. We knew that if we went home we would get in a lot of trouble for our injuries, and for being in a fight, so we went to one of my friends house (his parents weren't home) and we tried to clean ourselves up the best that we could. There wasn't a lot we could do though, I still had a fucked up lip and scratches all over me, as did most of my friends.



I knew I was supposed to be home for supper, so I reluctantly left and headed for home. As I walked, I tried to devise a strategy for getting in the house and quickly retreating to my room so my parents wouldn't see me all cut up. I figured I would walk through the house quickly, tell them I wasn't feeling well and didn't want supper, and just go to my room. I thought the plan was pretty good, so when I got home I called out quickly that I was home and not feeling well, and started rushing it to my room. My mom, having not been in the kitchen as I assumed she would be, stepped out in front of me as I was running down the hall to my room. She saw me and had a shitfit.

Why are you all cut up, what happened, did you get in a fight, all that shit. I told her that some older kids had attacked us at the rec center when we were playing ball, but that we were all okay and that she shouldn't be worried. She was furious, making phone calls to mothers around the area, telling the police to be on the look out for street thugs (yeah, thanks mom, not like there aren't a billion of those to look for anyway) and she was livid all throughout dinner, chewing me out for being in a fight even though it wasn't really my fault, yelling at me and my dad, just having a fit.

The next day went about as normal for the most part, but when I came home from school, my mom was waiting for me (unexpected since she was usually at work at that time) and sat me down and told me that we needed to have a talk. She told me that she was concerned about me growing up in such a dangerous neighborhood, and that she was really scared about what might happen to me. I tried to convince her that the neighborhood was fine, and that she shouldn't be worried because I would be more careful. What she said next though, shocked me. She told me that she had thought it over for a long time, and finally made a decision.

She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air'

I begged and pleaded with her day after day
But she packed my suite case and send me on my way
She gave me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket.
I put my walkman on and said, 'I might as well kick it'.

First class, yo this is bad
Drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass.
Is this what the people of Bel-Air Living like?
Hmmmmm this might be alright.
I whistled for a cab and when it came near
The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror
If anything I can say this cab is rare
But I thought 'Now forget it' - 'Yo homes to Bel Air'

I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8
And I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later'
I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air

yo KAuto i got some serious troll ammunition, i dont think you're ready for it

I don't think he takes it up the ass like you do.

i wish i could be as funny as fag boy stephen

As I was grunting, perched over the ivory ring and the water below, my mind wandered to the grunting I would likely do that night. Yes, I had a date with Linda Blemski, who was reputed to be looser than Rosanne Barr's pants on an ethiopian. I decided where I would take my dates depending on how likely I was to lay them; after all, why waste lobster on a girl who was gonna screw you anyway? It just didn't make any sense. Anyhow, let's just say that with Linda Blemski, I was very glad Jack in the Box was having its three tacos for ninety-nine cents deal.

Especially since I was constipated, and over time I had learned that nothing got things moving like a nice hot Jack in the Box taco. Wednesday afternoon, bam, suddenly the system had stopped running. Now, don't get me wrong, occasionally my stomach would get that familiar rumbling pressure, and I would run to the throne happily anticipating an eruption, but thus far I had only farted unsatisfactorily. I would push and push, trying desperately to dislodge whatever was in there, but it would not exit. It seemed to be biding its time, and as days pass, I started to wonder what exactly was in there. What sort of butt-monster had declared my anus its permanent home? I could only wait and wonder.

I was experiencing another failure, my brown anal starfish clenching and unclenching impotently, winking at the toiletwater below. The wave of depression at not being able to perform rushed over me, and I wiped my crack with shame. To look at that paper, white and lonely, without even a hint of brown, just a stray pube... it was almost too much for my heart to bear. I tossed it into the empty water, yanked up my Calvin Kleins, and trudged out.
I started to cheer up later, as I sat across from Linda's pudgy body at Jack in the Box and bit into my taco. Looking down at the folds of the tortilla, red with special sauce, I started to imagine how wet Linda must have been getting. She wasn't very pretty, but as the saying goes, pussies are universally beautiful. She listened patiently as I told her about myself, going on about frat parties I had gone to and especially good football games I had seen. She polished off her tacos like cookie monster eating a box of oreos, and soon I saw by her vacant look that it was time to head back to her room and start plowing the field, so to speak. She dumped our trays in the nearby receptacle, and we were out the door.

As we were walking back to her room, I felt a growl emanate deep from within my bowels. It filled me with foreboding; it seemed to be the growl of some dark beast. But I didn't feel any pressure, so I ignored it. I decided if anything was going to happen, it would surely wait until I had finished porking the woman.

We got back to her room, and I closed the door, offering to make Linda a drink. She didn't want one, so I drank two shots of tequila myself, one for me, one for her. At this point, I could tell she was hot to go; I could smell the dank stench of her sex permeating the room. It reminded me of the ocean, especially the way her fat oscillated like winter surf as she impatiently rubbed her legs together. I smiled, and walked over.
We started to kiss, her tongue sliding into my mouth and joyfully picking the stray taco bits out of my back molars. I yanked her shirt over her head, and with some effort, unsnapped her bra. Her massive boobs burst free into my hands like a pair of mushroom clouds. She was breathing heavily, and I tried to ignore the rank smell of her breath as I yanked down my pants and exposed my swollen power-prong of pleasure. I jabbed it impatiently into her belly button; she took the hint and dropped her skirt. She was wearing bright purple panties, which I quickly slid out of the way to expose her impatient cunt.

She was dripping like an overripe pimple, and making weird moaning noises. I decided it was time to feed her my meat. I aimed for the hole and jabbed with my dick. Damn, missed. I tried again. The second time, it slipped in with a slurp, and I started to bang away at her.

And then it came: a snarling shrieking moan emanating from the pit of my stomach. I froze, half in, half out. A strange rumbling was seething through my intestines, the waking movements of some slumbering giant. It was enough to put all thoughts of sex out of my mind. It was enough to make me quake in fear. And then it hit.

WHAM! I pulled out of her with a shriek, feeling something slam like a fist against the wall of my asshole. Something wanted out, and it wanted out now! As I pulled free of Linda, my mind kept thinking the same thought: the beast is awake. The beast is awake. A fart like a snarl ripped free from my anus, and I yelped. Quickly, I sprinted to the bathroom, ignoring Linda's protests. This was a shit that could not be denied.

I sprawled onto the toilet seat, happy that I had made it, and gratefully released the muscles of my sphincter, waiting for the monster to slide gracefully out. But this beast had no grace, and it was much to big to fit painlessly through my meager butthole. I tensed in pain as the thing rammed itself at my sphincter, smashing into it like a city bus out of control.
Foolish was I; I actually contemplated for a moment whether I should give birth to this unholy leviathan. As if I had a choice. With a wrench, the shit tore apart my asshole, forcing its head through. I shrieked; my hand dug into the toilet paper roll by my side, my knuckles white. My body twisted, and I buckled down, pushing with all my might, despite the pain. Distantly, I could hear the Carmina Burama playing, as I licked the sweat off my upper lip. All I had to do was push. All I COULD do was push. This monster would not be denied.

I began to think the thing would never emerge. It shoved its way out, bit by bit, clawing onto the dank hair of my crack in its efforts. Then, with one asshole-wrenching thrust, it was out. My butt cheeks were bathed in ice cold piss-water as it plunged into the pool below.

For a while, all I could do was breath heavily and thank god it was over. I tried to summon the bravery to look, to see this god of shits, but all I could do was tremble. I wasn't sure I was ready; I felt for sure I would turn to stone at the sight of the thing.

Finally, I pulled together the nerve to stand, turn, and look. My hands were pressed over my eyes, and it took every effort to peek through them, as a trembling moan of anguish emerged unbidden from my throat.

And then I saw it. It was...it was beautiful. A tear of happiness dripped from my eye as I beheld this shit miracle I had produced. Now I could hear Handel's Allelujah chorus running through my head. The flourescent light above the toilet bathed the
long brown Lord of Feces, and made it almost glow with a natural halo. It had to be close to a foot long, and at least an inch and a half in diameter. It rested in the toilet casually, king of its domain. As I beheld it, my mind flashed to the Sistine Chapel, except instead of God touching my hand, He was offering me this long, brown beauty. As if saying, you are my chosen one, and you have been blessed with the shit of God.

My tears of complete joy and contentment started to wane, and I bent down to take a closer look at the monolithic log. My eyes lingered on its strange texture; it seemed almost shiny and hard, probably due to the intense pressure of my intestines. I wanted to reach out and touch it, but at first I fought with my unworthiness. Surely, to touch it would strike me dead! But finally, my curiousity overcame my fear, and I ran my fingers across its sleek surface.

Rapture! It was as hard as I had expected, and my touch caused it to bob up and down on the surface. I took it in my hand and stroked it. It was strangely ridged, probably again due to the pressure of my intestines, and I was again impressed by how hard it was, solid and unyielding. I almost found it difficult to believe my bowels could have produced such an object of perfection. I considered whether I should prostrate myself before it and worship it.

And then I heard a voice. It was Linda. "Hey! What's taking you so long?" she oinked from somewhere outside. "Hurry up, honey! Linda's pussy is crying for you." Ah yes, I had forgotten about the woman outside. I looked at the floating pillar of power in the bowl with distress. I couldn't flush it, that just wouldn't be right. It would be almost sacriligeous. Yet what could I do with it? I doubted Linda would appreciate it. Why had I produced such a specimen? What was its mysterious purpose?

I thought of Linda, and it was then I knew. I wrapped my hand around the gargantuan stool, and hefted it. It lifted in one piece, and I raised it like a sceptre. A smile grew on my face as I thought of what was to come.
When I came out, Linda was lying spread-eagled on the couch, so I could see straight into her cunt. She leered sexily. I carefully hid the shit behind my back; she just wouldn't have understood.

"Hey, hon...been waiting for you!" she drooled. "Come on, baby...can't you see Linda is hot and willing?" She thrust her rancid slit towards me.
"Ok." I smiled. "But close your eyes first. That way you won't know when I'm entering you until I actually do." I knew she would do what I said. She was a crusty old whore, and I knew her like I knew my oldest pair of underwear.
"ooh! Kinky!" she belched happily. Her eyes slammed shut, and her hips twitched, waiting for my entrance. My fleshrod of fertility bulged in anticipation, but I had no intention of entering her. Instead, I brought forth the mighty shit, and touched its tip to her waiting, dripping hole.
"You ready?" I grinned. She nodded, starting to make her weird moaning noises. I slowly started to ease the length of shit into her cunt. She gasped.
"Wow! You're so...BIG!!!!" she gulped, starting to pant heavily. "I never knew you could get so big!"

"That was my surprise, baby. I went into the bathroom and smeared a shitload of enlarging cream on my dick." I laughed silently at my unintentional pun, and continued to push the long piece of shit into her cunt. I had to push it in inch by inch, as her hole wasn't used to such a long tool, and I did it clumsily, since obviously I couldn't go in by feel as I usually do. But she was too hot and turned on to notice.

"Ooh! Fuck me! Fuck me with that long, hard dick!" she howled. I complied, pumping the brown log in and out of her hole. As I did so, I noticed that the phallic poo was developing a slimy layer of crud mixed with her vaginal fluids on its surface. This just made it go in and out easier. As I pumped her with this dildo of dung, I started to bang her breasts back and forth with my spare fist. This really started to get her going, and I sensed she was started to approach orgasm. I really started to slam the shit into her cunt, and she started to make shrieking noises. Yep, wouldn't be long. As I pummeled her hole, I started to notice that the shit was starting to lose its consistency. It seemed to be getting a little softer, and was molding itself to her cunt.
However, I had no time to contemplate this, for Linda launched into a mighty orgasm, and started bouncing up and down on the couch like a basketball, screaming and screaming. I fought to keep the shit dildo pumping into her, trying to keep up with her sudden spasmatic movements. And then, abruptly, I found myself holding half a shit. The other half had broken off in her cunt.
She gasped as she came out of her orgasm. Her eyes still tightly closed, she sighed in contentment. "Keep your dick in me." she purred. "I want to feel you get soft inside me."

"Okay, sweetheart. I'll stay inside you as long as you want." I said, as I quietly tiptoed to the door. As I shut it behind me, I decided I probably wouldn't be dating Linda Blemski for awhile.